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Infidelity: to stay or go…? | Lucy Beresford | TEDxFolkestone

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We assume that ending a relationship after betrayal is the best course of action. Yet relationship expert and broadcaster Lucy Beresford passionately argues that the more courageous option is to stay and rebuild that relationship.

Drawing from her work with clients (details changed for confidentiality) and from celebrity culture (the rapper Jay-Z spoke publicly about cheating on his wife Beyoncé),

in this talk Lucy identifies:

– the 3 courageous ways the betrayer and the betrayed can start to repair their relationship;

– the 3 things the betrayer MUST do, to rebuilt trust; and

– the Number 1 thing all couples must do to protect their relationship from being blown off course

Lucy Beresford hosts LBC Radio’s Sex and Relationships show as well as the show Love Decoded for dating website eHarmony, and is an Agony Aunt on ITV’s This Morning. She’s the author of 4 books, including the global best-seller Happy Relationships: at home, work and play. She works as a psychotherapist at The Grace Clinic, London and from time to time at The Delhi Psychiatry Centre in India under Dr. Sunil Mittal.

Feel free to get in touch with her on Twitter @lucyberesford or visit her website www.lucyberesford.co.uk Lucy is a writer, broadcaster, psychotherapist and documentary maker – in other words, a global storyteller. She hosts LBC Radio’s Sex & Relationships phone-in show, reviews the newspapers on Sky News, and is an Agony Aunt on ITV’s This Morning. She even blogs for Huffington Post UK Lifestyle. She was shortlisted for ‘Dating Expert of the Year 2015′ by UK Dating Awards, is on the Faculty of The School of Life and is a Fellow of the RSA. Interesting fact? Just the once, off Victoria Falls bridge in Zimbabwe, Lucy did bungee jumping. It changed her life – in a fantastic way. Now she bungee-jumps metaphorically, leaping into the unknown and having adventures. Like TEDx…? This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at https://www.ted.com/tedx

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Date: September 29, 2019

29 thoughts on “Infidelity: to stay or go…? | Lucy Beresford | TEDxFolkestone

  1. My husband cheated on me twice,..each time I find out,he always ask for myforgiveness,…and I dont know why I always fogive him.There are many times when I think for a divorce but there ara many things which i have to consider,especially when we run business together.

  2. I suspected my wife of cheating on me but I never had any proof. This went on for months, I didn't know what to do. i was so paranoid and decided to find a solution, i saw a recommendation about a private investigator and decided to contact him. I explained the situation about my wife to him and he said he was going to help me.I gave him all the informations he required and afterwards i received all my wife’s Iphones Text messages, whatsApp messages and calls, I was hurt when i saw a picture of my wife and her lover. I feel so bad about infidelity. but i am glad Mr james was able to help me get all this information, you can contact him via Gmail (worldcyberhackers) or whatsApp : +12678773020

  3. I have to say after listening to your speech that you sound like you found the solution to every case . Sounds like an easy way to take , but every case is so different from what you have delivered. I think you have generalised this and instead you should of at least mention that every marriage experience is not the same not even talking about each one’s upbringing and possible early childhood trauma . These speeches like yours has slowed down people to move on and not waste their time and actually give chance to themselves to find the true person without rushing to anything . People need to spend time to know one another . To get the real message and to discover the right trust and safe nest . Anyway . I just wanted to highlight this to you if you can think about it . Thanks anyway .

  4. Only the Saints would stay. The one betrayed would want to stay for the children's sake, but the betrayer wants to play around more without thinking of the children's feelings. We can only take so much. Women always end up sacrificing of what is left of the broken family, working and taking care of the children.

  5. a person who would betray you this way is not a partner. they may not be an adversary, but they are certainly not a partner. they've chosen to become another faceless face in the crowd.

  6. I suspected my wife of cheating on me but I never had any proof. This went on for months, I didn't know what to do. i was so paranoid and decided to find a solution, i saw a recommendation about a private investigator and decided to contact him. I explained the situation about my wife to him and he said he was going to help me.I gave him all the informations he required and afterwards i received all my wife’s Iphones Text messages, whatsApp messages and calls, I was hurt when i saw a picture of my wife and her lover. I feel so bad about infidelity. but i am glad Mr james was able to help me get all this information, you can contact him via Gmail (worldcyberhackers) or whatsApp : +12678773020

  7. Always go. Otherwise, you are condoning and encouraging it. I left. From a guy who was cheated on with four children. People have to know there are consequences when they cheat and those consequences are their marriage is over. It has to get to the point where when they cheat for the first time, they come to you and say start divorce proceedings, I just cheated on you.

  8. Powerful. The situation that Lucy describes is very familiar. I've been married 17 years, together 20, two small children at home…and my wife had an affair for almost THREE years where she fell in love with the other man (was too was married with three kids!) I forgave her by showing my vulnerability and accepted the sweetness with the sorrow to salvage what I thought was a great marriage. My wife only did the "S and the O" of the S.O.S. She was sorry, remorseful and took full accountability. But she never took action to rebuild us or rebuild the trust as she continued to lie and disappoint me by talking to and seeing this man. And I continued to forgive, hoping to salvage and rebuild! She never allowed us to work out what led to the affair; I still have no idea what triggered it except it was an escape from our monotonous life. It's now been 10 months since I found out. In those 10 months, she didn't give marriage counseling a try as she thinks she knows more than a therapist. She refused to see a therapist for herself until the last month and she's only seen them once. She's still living under our roof, even though she's gone out an rented a home thinking she was ready to leave. She is back and forth and I'm at a breaking point. She claims she wants to be here with me, with her family, but can't let the man she claims she loves go. She's ruined several close relationships in her own family, confused our small kids, financially destroyed us, but can't make up her mind. I know that in the end, we will go our desperate ways which breaks my heart. I've always made her feel safe, loved and she was always, always heard. I guess sometimes that's not enough.

  9. I stayed and I tried. Sometimes that person takes you for granted and walks all over you again. You hear their words of 'attrition' and forgive again. Then the cycle continues. Again. And again. Sometimes, you just have to say enough is enough and walk away.

  10. I don't belive the 99% to 1% deal if there is infidelity 1 person chose to make a mistake playing the blame game for someone else's choice is a total cop out, I call BS.

  11. I try to imagine how is to love someone with all your heart and find out he or she is a cheater. They say love and hate are very similar feelings. I would not accept this, as long as I'm a good wife, you have no reason to do this to me. I will not live in fear and disgust just because you had no respect for me. I deserve better.

  12. people who forgive and accept back their cheating partner…..have self-worth issues they think they cannot live without their partner …..in reality we come alone in this world and we die alone ( Your wife won't die because you died ) or worst they think they won't find someone better…. Don't repair …be strict and replace

  13. Had an experience with my so cheating. She told me what she had done 5 days after what happened but she lied about what happened when I asked. That hurt a lot. Im trying my best to forget, I try my best to move on. I still have issues trusting now.

    My biggest issue is that she doesn’t know why she chooses to do things sometimes. She is one of the smartest people I know but she doesn’t know herself at all. And it eats me up inside that she doesn’t know why she did it. She can’t ever tell me why she did it and I have to live with it.

  14. Nice content, I felt cheated recently and i needed to make sure my instincts were true until i was referred to a hacking company who took care of the hack job. They hacked him ans I’m so glad i had a proven truth that he was cheating. Contact them if you need any of their services on @brandhackers1 on Instagram or chat them up on WhatsApp +19163042321

  15. How many times are you supposed to forgive infidelity with the same spouse?? You might simply just be with the wrong person in a relationship. If someone truly loves you, they wouldn't think of hurting you. Period. It's a fact of immaturity and self centeredness. They see something they want and they take the opportunity as it presents itself. If they then say they did it because of something you didn't do in the relationship, they are deflecting guilty away from you.

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